Driv3r

The most important thing to remember when looking at Driver 3 is that it is absolutely not trying to be Grand Theft Auto, The Getaway, True Crime, or any such game. Driver 3 is about power sliding, traffic swerving, high speed escapes through a Hollywood film sized city. And it can be pretty polarizing.

Jumping right into Driv3r, it's easy to get lost as to what you're meant to gleam from the game. There's a “take a ride” mode, which lets you freely drive around the city, a story mode, and several small driving minigames. Anyone who bought into the game on the assumption that it was a GTA-wannabe probably felt disappointed by any of the options, regardless.

Starting with “Take a Ride” is what's recommended, because it lets you get a good feel for the controls and individual handling of the cars. And that's when I learned that something -no matter what anyone else may say about it- that Driv3r can always claim, is that it has damn good driving mechanics. Every emergency brake, slide, swerve, reverse, throttle, and jump feels absolutely beautiful. Adding to the wow factor is an absolutely MASSIVE selection of cars, all with varied handling, and amazingly detailed damage models, at least for the time. There's nothing that feels quite as good as weaving through traffic in a crowded city with cops on your tail.

You'll end up at Take a Ride one way or the other.

Unfortunately, Take a Ride mode is also where the game takes time to introduce you to its flaws. The cities are an absolute obstacle course to navigate. Everything from trees to bushes to light-posts is indestructible, and smashing into them is sure to halt your high-speed chase to a teeth-grinding stop. I understand that one can argue large poles would withstand being rammed, but I doubt too many people could agree that knee high shrubs should be made of adamantium.

The reason these items are solid is to give the player some way to escape from the cops in less than speedy vehicles, and truthfully, when you are able to dodge every pole in your path and leave the cops behind you in a big wreck, it feels pretty good. It's not anywhere near comparable to the oh-so brief feelings of flying through Miami, smashing through fences and jumping across entire roads with tail right behind you, though.

Other than taking a joy-ride and getting a grasp of the mechanics, as its name implies, there's not really too much Take a Ride mode has to offer. There are goons scattered throughout the three cities for shooting, which unlocks extra challenges, but they're only bound to entertain for ten or so minutes.

There's ten of these guys to take down in each stage.

The main game (Undercover mode) is decently long, but it's not until the later half of the first city -Miami- that the game gets into the good stuff, and many people probably gave up by then. Why? On-foot missions. Back from Driver 2, Reflections Interactive decided to give on-foot levels another go, but this time with guns and an embarrassingly difficult control scheme.

No matter how forgiving and open you are to games, the first time you try moving around and shooting with Tanner, you are going to be appalled. There is absolutely no reason for the controls to work the way they do. Tanner's legs move entirely separately from the rest of his body on the left stick, and his torso, controlled with the right stick, moves far too slowly for you to get a good aim on whatever it is you're trying to shoot.

The first mission is an exercise in frustration. You have to confront a group of enemies after a brief drive, and you're more than likely to just stand in front of them and smash the shoot button, which is what they'll be doing too. It looks horrible, and it feels horrible.

Pew pew.

The first shootout in the game gives you the absolute worst possible impression of the main mode. Even after you shoot through a few baddies, the rest of the stage is a very ho-hum chase after a criminal. Most people would probably put the game down for good at this point.

If you have the patience to get to stage five, the game suddenly decides it wants to live up to its namesake, and you'll drive around a lot, smashing through walls, jumping over buildings, and sliding through alleys.

Hello there fun. Where've you been?

If you continue further into the game still, past another hideous on-foot section, you make it to the definitive "this is a Driver game" stage, where you escape through a mall flooding with cops, burst out the exit, and drive all the way back to your base with the police on your tail.

There's even a mission halfway through the second city in which the car will explode if you drop below 50 MPH, Speed style, and there's never a dull moment after that. Even the shooting sections become tolerable when you remind yourself what the reward is. 

From then on, Undercover mode has its faults, but they pale in comparison to the thrills. There really aren't any other driving games out there like the Driver series, and Driv3r makes sure you have its name etched into your brain by the climax.

For all its faults, the game is ultimately a thrill to play, and it boasts some nearly flawless handling and diversity for its roster of cars and missions. Far from perfect, and far from great, it still certainly has enough of that delicious uniqueness only Reflections can offer, given you feel like digging for it.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Hard to believe we're so close to the year's end already. There are literally no Thanksgiving videogames, so here's a picture of a Turkey in South Park 64.

This is really scraping the bottom of the barrel in regards to post content, isn't it?

Captain America and The Avengers

For anyone interested, I found an old Screenshot Playthrough I did of Captain America.

You can find it here.

CyberPlanet Interactive

It's time to look at weird games on the Internet again. This time, we're looking at a developer of ShovelWare games: CyberPlanet Interactive. They've made everything from preschool learning games to cooking mama ripoffs.

There's no way they got permission to use Ultraman.

There is currently no available footage available on the webs of Ultraman HappyStudy, and aside from that, CyberPlanet has stayed mostly on the same, safe path of other shovelware developers: making rip-offs of other games. There are a few notable exceptions, which is why this is even being written in the first place.

The first exception is Army Rescue, which looks like a new kind of terrible the world isn't ready for. I can barely tell what's going on from the video, but the game has Princess Peach in it, and you have to move boats.

According to the CPIgames site's description:

- Help parachute soldiers jumping from the plane into the boats by cutting the ropes and destroying obstacles.
- Collect money to upgrade boats, aiecrafts and various weapons.
- 2 Single-player mode - Story mode and Survival mode; and a multi-player mode - Battle mode.

That sounds delightful. And no, aiecrafts is not my typo. It seems like Army Rescue is a horrifying hybrid of several iPhone games, but now available for 20 dollars on your Wii.

Another exception would be Iron Chef, which may sound ambiguously legal. In fact, the game wasn't legally released in the US, much like some really old Bible-inspired NES games that everyone is familiar with.

Unlike the real Iron Chef, the game is an action platformer, and looks like a really bad idea from every angle. Unfortunately, like Ultraman HappyStudy, I doubt I'll ever be able to see it in motion.

There are a lot of other things to poke fun at, but I've already linked you their website twice now, so we'll just move onto the only sort-of not horrible game they've managed to create.

JaJa's adventure was, believe it or not, a big project. It was supposed to be the game everyone went and got for their tiny itty bitty children, and it was entrusted to CPIgames by the people who created the Smart Kids Series for the DS.

As this trailer puts it:  THE NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED AND AWARD WINNING SERIES IS COMING TO THE NINTENDO Wii.

I'm not sure that being "nationally recognized" is all that important, given anyone who saw the games anywhere in the US gave them recognition. To its credit, JaJa's adventure honestly doesn't look all that bad. The graphics are clean, the worlds are rotating constantly and vomit inducing, and the minigames look pretty okay for the age group.

It's also multiplayer.

I'm definitely going to be playing this one at some point, or maybe forcing someone who's really really patient with me to play it for me. Pretty please.

Condemned: Zombie Origins

I have yet to get hold of a WiiU, but the launch lineup is far more impressive than I thought it would be. New Super Mario Bros U looks like it finally bridges the gap between more casual players and die-hard platforming fans, with minimal sacrifice.

ZombiU isn't the game I thought it was, but instead something more like Condemned with elements from Demon's Souls. A game that demands immersion and involvement, in place of more complex game mechanics. A risky but appreciable game.

NintendoLand looks like it does what Wii Sports didn't, and shows off the capabilities of the tablet (of which there are surprisingly many), but doesn't sacrifice game quality. Some of the minigames are very surprising in their depth and length, especially the Legend of Zelda attraction. Certainly one of the best pack-in games.

Lastly, Scribblenauts Unlimited is Scribblenauts, but unlimited. It appears to be the absolute definitive version of the original concept, and that is certainly worth celebrating.

Other titles, like Chasing Aurora, I haven't even looked at, but it seems like the WiiU has a lot of quality lined up for it so far.

Chuck E Cheese Party Games: In-Depth Review

This time we have a special guest writer. His name has been changed to Chinkyf to protect his identity. His words have been edited where necessary to improve coherency.


 I found that Chuck E Cheese party game mega collection thing

Not only did I find it, but because I looked so hard for it, I went ahead and downloaded it, and played it.
And there are some things I've learned about this game that I feel those Game Grumps peoples could have ran with, but since they didn't, I will.

Starting with this: I am utterly disappointed that I couldn't choose Ming, and have my profile name be "Chinkyface" because "Chinkyface" takes up too many letter spaces. So I was immortalized as "Chinkyf".

So, the intro doesn't differ at all from kid to kid, as Chinkyf's intro was the same as the one in the video. Got the first 3 tokens, played the first three games, and realized that the Wii has its own anti piracy feature: motion controls. A 2D mouse doesn't translate too well into 3D controls.

It took me 10 minutes to get through one game of skeeball, becuase I couldn't figure out the magical combination of rightclick + middleclick + release one of the two and hope the magic happens.

Still though, another thing I learned, perhaps I was on the emulator, but that some games are near unplayable. Also though, because of emulator, I may have been able to play some games with a higher degree of accuracy because no twitchy cursor hand.


Also, I accidentially broke the Lucky Wheel, figuring out the main mechanic behind it, allowing me to rig the result with an approximate 80% success rate.

All one has to do is just hit the "stop" button when the icon you want to land on is on the opposite side of the actual stop cursor thingy. Due to the speed at which it moves, I wasn't 100% successful with this method, but it worked most of the time.

But I digress, the Game Grumps could have absolutely ran with the prizes. They didn't seem to do anything with them, but if they did, they would find out the true nature of this game:
Ticket Buffs, Token Buffs, and Ticket Grinding.

I shit you not, most of the prizes act as ticket buffs. Like, some add +X tickets to the Arcade games, some more add +X% tickets to the Arcade games, +X% to the token winnings from the pizza games, stuff and things and I have a list of all the effects.




That's the list I had compiled.
All prizes and buffs and prices and stuff.
A thing to note though, on the Shirts and the Dolls, they are all the same price, but their effects change as you buy them, so you don't really have to buy them in any order, just buying them will make all of the others have the next effect.
if that makes sense at all.


The game with the ticket buffs became 100% ridiculous very quickly. After a few buffs, I could play air hockey, lose and still get 100someodd tickets.

Chuck E Cheese RPG is exactly how it felt.
I'd get tickets, spend tickets on buffs to get more tickets to spend on stronger buffs, get even more tickets to spend on higher level games to get more tickets and tokens, all with an endgame goal: get the ULTIMATE PRIZE.

You start the game wanting to get some extra spending money, but fuck that, there's the ULTIMATE PRIZE

It's in all caps in the game too, so it's a direct quote.

Remeber though, the Game Grumps got 5 tickets for each game they won in the arcade, but I realized there's actually tiers to the games.

 Some games give a baseline win ticket amount of 5, but there are two others that give around 7 or 10 depending upon difficulty or length.
With buffs,  by endgame, I could get 197 tickets out of one token.


But anyway, the one game where I could get just around 200 tickets per token was this really really bad rhythm game. You know how rhythm games are supposed to follow a beat to a tune or what not? this was about random mass guessing.

 Usually, the time keeping would be like 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4
 The song was true to standard tempo keeping thingies.
 The buttons you press weren't at all.

I just took off the headphones and I was able to clear the hardest it could throw, even if it wasn't that hard at all.

I managed to beat the game multiple times. Again, you start the game looking for a summer job or some shit, you end it by dicking around in a chuck e cheese until you can blow 30,000 tickets on the best prize, which while is a mystery before you buy it, after you do, it always has something to do with the kid's hobby.


After a cheesy ending sequence and an unskippable credit roll, you're allowed to choose another kid and transfer all leftover tickets and all the buffs and unlocks purchased to them. The carpet, clock, lamp and the ULTIMATE PRIZE re-lock, however.


Because of the buffs, I was able to see every single kid's ULTIMATE PRIZE.
 The ending sequence doesn't change at all, and mothers apparently don't exist.

I wanted to see if there was any differences. That and there was this dumbass trophy thing for beating the game with every kid.


There's a trophy room thing filled with achievements of sorts that are 110% impossible to do without having some sort of hellish obsession with the game. There's a trophy for each arcade game, and one trophy each for each pizza game. Some of the arcade trophies are just stupid hard. Just, so so stupidly hard. 

There's one game that's essentially a dot to dot game, but played off as constellations, and the trophy for it is "Complete 1,000 Stars" which doesn't sound so bad, thinking that each constellation in the game has anywhere from 10 to 40 stars in it, depending upon difficulty, but it's not meaning individual stars, but actual full constellations.


So in short, that's about 10,000 to 40,000 stars to have to be connected, or around 100 some odd games of it by my very loose calculation.
 The others are just as bad.

"Catch 3,000 Cows" "Find 5,000 Differences" "Shoot 3,000 Balls into the basket" "Win 100 Air Hokey Games" (which doesn't sound bad, but for one token, I can't even win more than once) "Reach 100,000 m."


The pizza game ones are just as bad too, with "Make 1,000 Pizzas" and "Serve Chuck E. 500 Times" 


 The biggest trophy is for "Complete All Ultimate Prizes", which is that one dumbass trophy I was referencing.


And let me see this before you put it up on the blog.

Sega Wow

I've always been a pretty consistent fan of Sega's games. But when I was little, I had no way of knowing that a specific studio of the company was responsible for most of the awesome games I'd been enjoying. Let's pay them a little tribute.

First, a bit of history. Sega WoW has gone through quite a few name changes. Originally, they were called Sega AM1, and under that label, developed titles like Altered Beast, Golden Axe, House of the Dead, and OutRunners.

I demand that you worship these people.

That list may sound familiar, as it's pretty much every non-Sonic game people have come to associate with Sega. After that, they would then make a few racing games, and fade into obscurity.

Wait, no. It turns out they were so badass, they got to merge with the other badassest Sega studio. They united with "Team Shinobi", also known as "AM7", who had developed all of the Shinobi games, the entire Streets of Rage series, Alex Kidd, and all four Phantasy Star games.

I know this is the remake shh.

The amount of solid titles Sega WoW contributed in its early years is staggering, to say the least. Sadly, most game companies of that era had the tendency to fade out around the sixth gen. But, although Sega WoW got quieter, they certainly didn't die.


They went on to develop Skies of Arcadia, Shinobi Remake, Nightshade, Blood Will Tell, and Project Altered Beast. The first four were well received. Altered Beast, not so much. I'll take the time to talk about those games on their own at some point, but each of them is good in their own way.

Most recently, Sega WoW has created Valkyria Chronicles: a game that picked up where Future Tactics left off, and so much more.

All of these titles were developed by just two studios under Sega, and regardless of their relevancy today, they were some damn good games.

Taking a break.

Way too many games to play. Gonna just play Mario for a while and maybe Endless Ocean. Although those are great games, they probably aren't the most fun to read about. See you soon.